The Gift

So often we hear the question: What do I do now? I don’t know the new way to be, yet. I do know that the old way isn’t working for me. But, I feel uncomfortable not knowing how to do things differently.

First, we see the old programming, the Ego, the ‘Virtual Self’, suspended in air. This false self hovers there, limiting our brilliance and yet, so familiar and easy to draw from.

Then, beneath that, at the very core of our being, is the ‘Authentic Self’, the ‘Natural Self’, the ‘Green Personality’, the ‘True Self’. This is our Essence. We know there is this energetic source of who we are, and yet, we are so programmed to live from the ‘Virtual Self’.

Going inward, with the UTUE Clearing Process, guided by the Enneagram and our UTUE practitioner who can help us “see” around our blind spots, we gradually clear a path towards that Essence.

Here’s the thing. In the image we described, the Virtual Self, hovering there, is suspended above the Authentic Self, and there is a SPACE between them. This space is like a no-man’s land, (or no-woman’s land :-)…which is like a void, a space of unknowing. This space is where true learning can occur. It really is a place of having a “blank slate” on which to now author your new life.

However, it doesn’t necessarily feel good to be in this void space. This place is an inevitable part of Authentic Life Transformation. It can feel dark, lonely, confusing, anticipatory, and exciting.

This is not at all unlike waiting for something new to be born. This is not at all unlike this season’s promises of new life, new light in a dark world, something divine being born within.

Christmas tree

Your Gift

I like to think of this place as a wrapped gift, waiting to be discovered. I like to remember that it’s fun to shake the present, listen to the mysterious sounds coming from inside, feel it’s heftiness and wonder …. WHAT…awaits? WHO…is emerging?HOW…will my life change?

I offer you this possibility: This treasure is worth the wait.


~by Amanda Zabel

To have a green personality means to be natural and authentic from your essence. How is this possible when we have been trained to do the season of giving with competition, jealousy and go, go, go? Not to mention ‘to say all the right platitudes’ that have been taught from the past. And finally, the rules that say eating and drinking the traditions of the season without a thought of ‘is this in my highest and best interest?’

I want to tell you a story of my mother and how she taught me to be dysfunctional at Christmas. I remember as Christmas was approaching the frenzy energy would start to build. My Mother would have expectations that the rest of us would take on her idea of a good holiday. I see that she would whip herself into a frenzy trying to play the role of perfect mother and if my sisters and I didn’t do what she wanted she would be abusive, abrasive and mean. The message was, it was so important to be happy for the holidays, so that she could be a diva. Our job was to perform for her no matter what the emotional cost. As a child, I didn’t realize the contradiction in the training I was getting. On Christmas Eve, after sending us all to bed, I would find her sitting in the middle of the living room floor crying, wrapping presents. She would stay up all night, exhausted and emotionally spent, trying to be the perfect Mom and creating the perfect Christmas. Then after the holidays, She would always be tired and disappointed, because her expectations were impossible to achieve. I always felt that somehow it was my responsibility to make sure my mother was happy for the holidays; as a result, when I got older, I became a participant in this madness! I really thought that this was the way the holidays were supposed to be.

Since I have started clearing on a regular basis, I have been able to see the old patterns and games of the season from a different perspective. What a difference! I can see how my neediness for everyone else’s approval has held me hostage in the games and patterns that mostly belonged to my Mother. Truth; I am not my Mother nor am I willing to put myself into an early grave like she did trying to please everyone else. Today I choose to do what is right for me!

Today, since I have a different perspective of life and the season, I see that by using the essence of who I am, I am creating a green personality. This personality is natural and organic, so when the holidays arrive, I can enjoy them easily, without too much effort. This is my secret to creating balance. Be green with me and enjoy this season!!

Contribution by Patricia Rohn